its definitely december. although the weather hasn't been too terribly awful, only a few rainy days, it definitely feels like winter. its cold outside, and all i want to do is hibernate but i hate being inside, alone with my thoughts. i've been thinking again. too much for my own good, as per usual. the doubts are growing, snowballing even, and the more i think, the more i'm alone with myself, the bigger they get. it would take such little effort to make them go away, but for some reason i rely on someone else to do it for me. its a never-ending cycle of self-sabotage that i'm constantly struggling to break. they make it look so easy, why can't i be like that? i can at least pretend for now.