i don't see what anyone could see in anyone else but you

bring on the new year. its crazy to try an reflect on an entire year i think. so much happens. so much changes. i like to think that i've changed quite a bit. my life definitely has. i'm curious to see whats ahead for next year.

oh, and everyone everywhere should go see Juno. it's such a beautiful movie. i just might see it again. i just got the soundtrack and it's equally as amazing. what are you waiting for?

here is the church and here is the steeple
we sure are cute for two ugly people
i don't see what anyone could see in anyone else but you
you're always trying to keep it real
and now i'm in love with how you feel
i don't see what anyone could see in anyone else but you

*merry christmas*

the absolute best part of this holiday is being around family. my family is so amazing, its been a blast hanging out with my brothers again, being goofy and laughing until my stomach hurts. my sister is in town and its always wonderful to see her. my parents have been great, and they love laughing at me because i asked for very practical gifts this year like my awesome new swiffer! aunts, uncles, cousins galore! my family is so big, and it keeps on growing. amber is two now and so talkative. she also enjoys helping me do the dishes :]

hope everyone reading had an amazing holiday with their loved ones <3

isn't she adorable?

:]

like a waterfall in slow motion

up and down, up and down, up and down. my days are a roller coaster of mixed feelings and emotions and i'm striving so hard to gain some stability. but just when i think i have it something or someone has to come and remind me of that thing i wish i could forget. i've become a master of portraying a calm individual, its weird that i even know what one looks like. i wish it wasn't so cold. i wish a lot of things, actually. music is my savior, when i can't get the words out. somehow i always find the perfect song to summarize everything i wanted to say but never could put my thoughts together enough to say them out loud. Feist says it so beautifully and effortlessly. the journal that i write it, for the things i can't say here, has many pages full of song lyrics. including these:

there's a limit to your love
like a waterfall in slow motion
like a map with no ocean
there's a limit to your love
your love your love your love

i love i love i love
this dream of going upstream
i love i love i love
the trouble that you give me
i know i know i know
that only i can save me
i'll go i'll go i'll go
out on the road.

life goes on.

so i'm back at home. being with my friends and family has been exactly what i needed. there is so much love here. hard times definitely make you appreciate the wonderful ones. putting things into perspective is what i've been trying to accomplish, and i think i'm getting there. it is fine, everything is fine. life goes on and everything is getting back to normal. i knew all along what was best for me, and now that it's finally in motion its scary, but i know everything will turn out. i am very aware. more aware than i've been in a long time. i finished my painting, and i think i'll keep it.

it's getting colder.

its definitely december. although the weather hasn't been too terribly awful, only a few rainy days, it definitely feels like winter. its cold outside, and all i want to do is hibernate but i hate being inside, alone with my thoughts. i've been thinking again. too much for my own good, as per usual. the doubts are growing, snowballing even, and the more i think, the more i'm alone with myself, the bigger they get. it would take such little effort to make them go away, but for some reason i rely on someone else to do it for me. its a never-ending cycle of self-sabotage that i'm constantly struggling to break. they make it look so easy, why can't i be like that? i can at least pretend for now.

where does the time go?

hello december! what a crazy ride this quarter has been. i'd like to take a moment and reflect on the past few months here in Davis. i have definitely overcome some stressful challenges. i'm finally getting back on track in the financing department. i've resolved old credit issues from when my wallet was stolen in May (yes, i procrastinate). i've met some amazing new people and have grown so close to my roommates, closer than i ever thought in the short time we've lived together. i made it through my first quarter (well almost, finals are next week, yikes!) and i'm feeling good about my grades. i survived my first couple months away from home and i've never felt this good about life before. i feel like it's been such an eye-opener, and that i still have a lot to learn in this journey.

now on to the future! i've got even more amazing things to look forward to. classes next quarter are going to be insane, definitely a step up from the ones i took this quarter. i'm preparing myself for a long quarter of hibernation with my books. on top of a tough curriculum, i also scored an awesome internship! every friday morning i'll spend four hours working in a dental office in west sacramento and i am so excited. i worked in a dental office for a few months in high school but had to quit because out of my three jobs at the time, it was the most impractical one for my schedule. this is going to be an amazing opportunity and i'm going to take as much from it as i possibly can.

and of course i still take a few moments to get out my creativeness that builds up each week. music is inspiring me in a big way these days, and i haven't started my big collage piece yet but i did start a smaller project last night. it's a new painting inspired by a death cab for cutie song that makes me think of a certain someone. hopefully i'll finish it sometime this week.