she's really leaving.

I didn't really hit me until the graduation party. Renee is leaving us, moving to Arizona to be with the love of her life. I have to admit, the girl's got courage. It takes a lot to leave everything you love behind, but her biggest love is helping her pack and moving her down there. I know she is going to be so happy, and maybe thats what makes me cry, they're tears of joy. I am so excited for her, i'm fairly certain that only 20% of my tears are selfish thoughts wanting to keep her here all to myself. I'm not going to lie, i'm going to miss that ney-ner-bop from here all the way to the stars and back. She has been such a huge part of my life this past year, and she has taught me so much in that short time, life lessons that I will never forget. It'll be weird not seeing her huge smile around work, or hearing her voice or her laugh. But she isn't dying, I will still get to e-mail her and call her and trade pictures and visit her and everything will be alright. I am so fortunate to have met someone so incredibly beautiful inside and out, she has such a pure, radiant light about her that is irreplacable. I love that girl, and I know she is going to be so amazingly happy with Johnny.

so close i can TASTE it

It's been a while since my last blog, but that reflects how insanely busy life has been lately. Finals week is approaching fast and it's freaking me out! There is so much to do, and i feel like time is running out. But at the end of the week, i'll be done! I can't decide if i'm excited or sad. I mean, i'm excited because i'll have some actual FREE TIME to do everything and anything. My friends will come home for the summer, i'll get to scrapbook EVERYDAY, and i'll get to SLEEP! I miss getting a full night's sleep. I want a day where all i do is sit around the house in my pajamas and catch up on my soap operas while scrapbooking my favorite pictures of Amber, my niece. I want a day where i can go to the beach and swim and get tan and take pictures. I want to go camping in June with my good friends and hang out all day, getting dirty and laughing until my stomach hurts. I want to finish my paintings so i can hang them up in my new place, where ever that may be in Davis, California. Who knows, maybe by the end of the week it'll turn into Santa Cruz, California. I've got until June 1 to decide where i want to spend the next two years of my life. I want to spend time with my little brother, i've already missed out on so much. I want to go to shows again, it seems like it's been forever. I went last friday to see my friend Jordan play his last show with his band, and it made me miss the scene so badly. I want to go to warped tour and see Set Your Goals play for crazy amounts of people. I want to travel to Arizona and see my sister's new house, and see how Renee is doing with her new life with Johnny. I want to go to Vegas for my 21st birthday, see how my grandma is doing, visit Gina and baby Audrey. More than anything, i'd give anything to have everything turn out ok. I'd give half of everyday to have the other half turn out.